In a tense last over James Anderson lofted the ball skyward raised his bat and smiled as it sailed over the boundary rope for 6, not only had he scored a maiden first class century but in a dramatic last man partnership the out of form bowler and James Trott had guided England to the most sensational of World Cup victories.

Three days ago England were little but demoralized, defeated quarter finalist; now they are champions of the world. Likewise New Zealand were shocked to find themselves contesting a finial after being overwhelmed by Sri Lanka in the semi finials but following sensational revelations involving back street bookies, George Osborne, the ghost of Hansie Cronje and a shady Mr Big all teams have been thrown out of this years championships for match fixing; all teams except for England and New Zealand that is.

Both teams were recalled to contest the finial, hastily pulling together players who’d scattered across the globe, holidaying after a long, hard winter.

‘One minute I was going down with my wife at the Great Barrier Reef, next minute the scuba diving holiday was scrapped and I was taking the next flight to Mumbai’  winning captain Andres Strauss told Test Match Special ‘This winters been tough but Im so proud of the team to end it by being crowned world champions. Hats off to Trotts and Jimmie Anderson, to take us from 42 for 9 to win the game is unbelievable!’

Starting well New Zealand powered their way to 278 with big hitting from Ross Taylor and Brendon McCullum. After an impromptu performance by New Zealands 4^th greatest a novelty-folk band ‘Flight of the Concords’ the Black Caps opened with spin from both ends on a turning wicket. In his second over Vettorri becoming the first bowler to take 5 wickets in a row and soon it looked all over bar the shouting as wickets tumbled.

Then James Anderson took to the field in bright yellow pads and gloves, borrowed from Ricky Ponting, after his gear had been lost by Heathrow baggage handlers. Taking guard he survived a first ball bouncer clattering his helmet and suddenly fireworks erupted from the batting crease.

“The spirit of Devon Malcolm entered my head” Anderson told reporters ‘Like the big man I thought ‘That’s it youre dead’ after taking a knock. He took nine wickets, I scored a tonne’. 

Powerful over the top hitting from Anderson supported by a dogged 121 by Trott suddenly made the game winnable. As the winning shot was struck a screaming Michael Vaughn leapt from the BBC Commentary box and joined the England side as they raced onto the pitch to congratulate the triumphant batsmen while Jonathon Agnew passed Geoffrey Boycott a knife, fork and some ketchup; the former England opener regretting stating he’d eat his shoes if England managed to win.

As England celebrated an ICC investigation team announced the shady ‘Mr Big’ was Communities Secretary Eric Pickles who helped broker deals where matches were fixed enabling George Osborne to literally ‘bet the house’ on their outcome, the deeds to Palace of Westminster being placed on the outcome of Pakistan vs India. Proceeds of these outlandish gambles being a dramatic attempt to solve the budget deficit without further cuts in public spending.

“In these desperate times we have to do everything in our power to bring order back to the public finances” the Chancellor told Andrew Marr, winking he told the BBC’s Political Editor “I`ld bet the defense budget on the 4:13 at Chepstow, in fact I have”.