Dear Comrades

As Supreme Leader it was good to see a number of my serfs at this week’s GEF and I look forward to some again at the Southern GEF shortly. There is no Northern GEF, I do not sully my immortal soul by visiting the north; being more than 45 minutes away from Harrods triggers anxiety attacks.  If you don’t know what a GEF is you will never know, we’ll never explain it nor will you be invited.

USSA Learning Leadership Symposium – All Heads

Invitations to the USSA Learning Leadership Symposium have been sent by email, attendance is voluntary but nonattendance will result banishment to Chesterfield and there employed as menial kitchen staff at Newbold Communsit School. The agenda must be memorised in advance but will not be distributed until three days after the symposium.

Retention of Payments – Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Computer Teachers

As Supreme Leader I am all knowing and those whose forte threatens my ego are to be penalised, a 10% know it all surcharge will be levied on salary payments for Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Computer Teachers. Biology is viewed to be an arts subject and not a true science thus unimportant.

Supreme Leader Update

Three days ago my coffee had LSD added to it by subversive forces. Tripping the light fantastic meetings were held with a dozen kumquats, Marvin Gaye and the essence of Nostalgia which was highly entertaining. Despite this entertaining experience perpetrators of future attacks upon my reality will be met with unremitting force, preferably gravity as they fall from Beachy Head.

International Fart Competition – All Secondary Heads (For information)

I am aware that many believe this to be a lot of hot air but The International Fart Competition 2024 is now open.  It is open to all United Socialist School pupils aged 15-18, with the winning entrant’s gargantuan guff receiving an all-expenses paid trip to Japan to see the Flatulence University Campus Kyoto, where research into tremendous trumps rivals that of the former US Presidents.

Safer Internet Day 6th February 2024

The Truth Team have prerecorded videos to be played to staff and students with regards to safe, responsible, and positive use of digital technology. Only Truth Team approved apps and websites are permitted.

Both staff and students must promptly provide access to all devices upon request by a member of the Leadership Conclave, Truth Team member or a schools Deacon of Enlightenment. If the use of unpermitted digital technologies or websites is identified the person will be summarily exiled to the caldera of Mount Etna, being an active volcano it`ll be a warm welcome.