Heroes of the Occupy Movement: #4 Adolf Hitler

 Initially thought to be a modern movement, beginning with ‘Occupy Wall Street’ in September 2011, its origins lie within the 20th Century. Attempting to be a bulwark against capitalism to the west and totalitarianism to the east Adolf Hitler’s Germanic ‘Occupy Europe’ unified the continent following the 1930’s global great depression.

In 1933 the National Socialists Workers Party achieved power within Germany, promising national and cultural renewal. Utilizing this springboard Hitler launched his movement protesting against the Treaty of Versailles, beginning with ‘Occupy Rhineland, Anschluss and Sudetenland’ then ‘Occupy Poland’.

Similar to now, political reaction then was initially containment which eventually escalated into violence;France and the United Kingdom utilizing force to assault the fledgling movement. Unlike the brutal police crackdowns in Oakland and New York Hitler withstood the confrontation, mobilizing manpower to expand into what became known as ‘Occupy Europe’; soon the National Socialists Workers Party had spread its wings from France to the gates of Moscow.

Here lay the movements downfall, expanding too far too fast culminated with the failure of ‘Occupy North Africa’. Defeat by the British Empire in Libya was the beginning of the end, this compounded by Japan’s ‘Occupy Asia’ movement being overpowered by American aggression. The unfortunate protesters attacked with pepper spray in Oakland got off lucky, agents of the United States utilized atomic weapons in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Soon the jackboots of capitalism and totalitarianism quashed the National Socialists Workers Party, its leadership subsequently executed. We hope those camped outside St Pauls, in Central Park and throughout the world do not suffer the fate of Hitler and his ‘Occupy Europe’ movement.

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Deadly Bullshit Storm Sweeps throughWhitehall

An unseasonable bullshit storm swept through Whitehall yesterday leaving nine dead and civil servants knee deep in their own fetid fork tongued fallacies.

It started when a front of economical truths fed obfuscations into prevailing south easterly winds of deceit which condensed over Eric Pickle’s male mammary mountains. Initially localized in the Department of Communities a thick layers of bullshit soon spread throughoutWhitehall

“Here at the treasury we’re without capacity to tell the truth” George Osborne told journalist, “Plan A is working, the dark days of depression are over and this winter we shall see the green shoots of recovery”.

In the Department for Education 2ft of bullshit fell overnight and more is expected following Michael Goves announcement that “Like Chairman Mao, we’ve embarked on a Long March to reform our education system. There will be a cultural revolution, a five year plan of empowerment filling school pupils with a sense of achievement and aspiration; no child will be left behind”.

Despite thick layers of bullshit business continues as normal, according to unnamed sources “This is nothing new, we were waist deep in crap following the Blair’s dodgy dossier; it’s keep calm, carry on and grab a paddle to as there’s a shit creek outside!”.

The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills has been unaffected by the bullshit storm but any requests for comment are greeted by Vince Cable rocking forwards and backwards on his chair screaming “We’re doomed Captain Cameron, we’re doomed!”