I was a Middle Aged Pussycat Doll

 Peter Mandleson has revealed that during his time as European Commissioner for Trade he moonlighted under the stage name of ‘Melody Thornton’, receiving a Grammy Award nomination as a member of the girl band ‘The Pussycat Dolls’.

 In his autobiography ‘The Third Man’ the former Secretary of State decided to resign his position within the Pussycat Dolls after Gordon Browns 2008 reshuffle, for the third time returning to cabinet in a role widely accepted to be Deputy Prime Minister. Previously Lord Mandleson could be seen explicitly dancing onstage while promoting the bands first album PCD and was voted the worlds 26th sexiest woman. When asked did he mind being adored by men all over the planet he answered ‘My dear quiet the opposite, I adored it’.

 Before resigning from the band Lord Mandleson considered continuing his secret life but decided that no peer or MP should be seen ‘gyrating ones pelvis in a basque before rushing off toWestminsterand voting the renewal of our wonderfully phallic nuclear deterrent; well not unless you’re Stephen Milligan. I’ve retired and hung up my fishnet stockings, Im glad to be grey’.  

 On Sunday MTV will be showing a Politicians Special including Nick Clegg and David Camerons infamous duet, performing the Jilted John classic ‘Gordon is a Moron’ at last years Commons Christmas Karaoke.


High court overturns superinjunction granted to Maycombe Resident ‘Boo’ Radley

Secretive Maycombe resident Arthur ‘Boo’ Radley has refused to respond to press speculation after the high court overturned a superinjunction which prevented the reporting of allegations about his private life.

Atticus Finch, lawyer working on behalf of ‘Boo’ Radley, won an injunction last Friday following reports that the News of the World planned to write about his private life. Radley is alleged to have had an affair with Elizabeth Darcy, wife of wealthy landowner Fitzwilliam Darcy. Under the terms of the injunction no one involved or even the existence of the injunction could be disclosed.

Judge Fargo lifted the injunction yesterday saying that ‘All individuals have a right to privacy but the public have the right to know about the indiscressions of one who has traded upon their good character, making it the bulwark on which their reputation is built upon. There is a clear public interest and the applicants [Arthur Radley] human rights would not be diminished by publication of these revelations’.

Following the injunction being lifted the media has been free to report that Radley and Elizabeth Darcy began an alleged month affair after meeting at Longbourne, her ancestral estate. Rumors of the affair have been circulating on the micro blogging site Twitter but until now could not be reported in the press.

Mattie Storin, News of the World chief editor, said later: “We welcome Mr Justice Fargo’s decision as a long overdue breath of fresh air and common sense coming out of the privacy courts. Over recent years, there has been more prior restraint on freedom of speech in Britain than in any other democratic country in the world.

Boo Radleys public image was created following the ‘Ewell Incident’, rescuing Scout and Jem Finch from attack while their assailant was killed, accidently falling on his own knife. Sainted as a gentle, mild mannered savior whose radio friendly songs such as ‘Wake Up’ became world wide hits in the mid 1990’s Radley eventually retired back into anonymity, writing his memoirs of the incident in international bestseller ‘To Kill a Mocking Bird’.

Fitzwilliam Darcy, for his part, said in a statement “This matter is of a deep personal and private nature, my primary concern is the welfare of my son, Mark. Elizabeth and I will issue no further comment and ask for our privacy to be respected”