The Order of the Phoenix and associated groups such as Dumbledores Army have been stripped of its 1998 Second Wizarding War victory after Harry Potter failed a doping test the Ministry of Magic have confirmed.

It found that Harry Potter used the banned substance ‘Felix Felicis’, and is the biggest doping scandal in the wizarding world since Ilvermorny alumni Lance Armstrong used a supply of Strengthening Solutions during his 5 Tour de France victories.

Potter has blamed his failed test on erroneous advice from Hogwarts Teacher Horace Slughorn. However, under the strict liability rules of the Wizarding Anti-Doping Agency, that is no defence.

In a statement Potter said: “I accept WADAs decision with sadness. I would like to make it clear that I unknowingly consumed a banned substance this was the reason why an anti-doping rule violation occurred. I sincerely regret that this has inadvertently led to the Order of the Phoenix’s  forfeiture of the Second Wizarding War. I would like to apologise to every Witch, Wizard and muggle alike for the impact which this has had on them. That is something I will regret for the rest of my life.”

The news means that the Death Eaters, led by Lord Voldemort, have been awarded the Second Wizarding War win. “Due to unscrupulous behaviour of drug cheat Harry Potter Lord Voldemort is no longer alive, Alecto and Amycus Carrow have been crowned victors and we now bow to their supreme authority” the new Minister of Magic Lucious Malfoy decreed after installing his son, Draco, as headmaster of Hogwarts.

All members of the Order of the Phoenix have been requested to report to Azkaban for internment, those who refuse this request will be hunted down with extreme prejudice. At Draco Malfoys request Ron Weasley has been pardoned as he poses no danger, even with wand in hand is armed but extremely useless, possessing the emotional range of a teaspoon and threat of kumquat.

Despite now living in a Death Eater dictatorship it has been observed that most of the United Kingdom have failed to notice anything unusual has occurred due to suffering from 12 years of Conservative government.