Noah (2014) Dr: Darren Aronofsky

In the beginning there was ‘Lord of the Rings’ and everything was good, alas greed and hubris crept into the world, devouring the ‘The Hobbit’ and leaving behind nought but a pile of putrid goo gracing the cinema screens. God decreed that ‘Noah’ save this fragile planet, washing away the stench of pretentious avarice with an almighty deluge… and if that sounds mad you’ve seen nothing yet.

Noah is bonkers, epic and enjoyable but bonkers all the same. Crowe chews the screen in his zealous devotion to Gods will, rock monsters (voiced by Optimus Prime) provide the manual labour and if you build it they will come; the fauna of the planet walking, flying, creeping and crawling aboard the ark to be sedated with soporific incense This while king of the orcs, sorry tribes of Cain, goes to war with Noah for why should this veggie echo mentalist get to go on a cruise and have all the fun?

Shockingly within all the madness there is poinancy, the seven days of creation reimagined and everything was good. The delemmia of fealty to ones Lords command weighed against compassion to the dammed innocent an underlying theme as Noah sets sail to wipe the stench of human corruption from the planet but true to the Biblical text he just ends up getting drunk in nought but his birthday suit. ‘As it was’, probably not but entertaining cinematic lunacy upon a grand scale.