Jeremy Clarkson Road tests the Challenger 3

Movie over Obama, there’s a new tank in town! Your boys can have all the yanky tanky doodle Dixie you want with your M1 Abrams but this V12 diesel powered monster of the battlefield is faster, and with its L420 120mm main gun packs a bigger punch than your popgun panzer wannabe.

And don’t think that the Abrams legendary survival rate is its saving grace, having 800mm Chobham RH armour with depleted uranium strike plates won’t put you into pole position because remember; who invented Chobham? Well we did and those boffins at BAE have done it again. The Challenger 3 is covered in Adimantium Graphine composite armour, which is not only lighter but makes this main battle tank impervious to all opposition. Missiles and shells just bounce off the revolutionary material like soft rain on the Kate Bekensdales perfect cleavage.

Like I said this baby is light and because its comes in at half a tonne less than all opposition its sleek and nimble on the battle field. In a 1 mile drag race the Challenger 3 was 8.7 seconds quicker than the Abrams and went around the Top Gear test track in 1 minute 21 seconds, that’s faster than a Lotus Elise Sport!

The furnishings inside are pretty rudimentary, there’s no soft leather like the Aston Martin Vanquish or sat nav  but from the gunners station you can shoot the hind legs off a donkey from 5 miles. The tank commander’s SKYnetPro tactical computer provides up to the second strategic information so if a Taliban commander passes wind 25 miles away he’ll know about it and, if the mood takes him, the roof popes open enabling him to give jonny foreigner a blast with a 50 cal couple machine gun.  Not only that but each of the 5 crew have independent iPod docking stations so everyone goes to war with their own personal playlist. Go on Taliban, try banning music when this baby is in town!

Would I buy a Challenger 3? Well at £2.7m maybe not, especially as ½ mile to the gallon its golly expensive no matter how annoying the neighbours are. Should the British Army buy the Challenger 3? Yes and it has done, 300 of them so thanks to David Cameron scrapping the Ark Royal Britannia may no longer rule the waves but on land? We’re standing on the shoulders of giants, head and shoulders above the rest!