Scientist Search for Missing Sahara
17th February 2011
At 12.47 the Sahara desert disappeared. All 9,000,000 miles of arid sand dunes vanished leaving behind nothing but a card bearing the message ‘back in 5 minutes’. Conspiracy theorists have quickly pointed the finger at this bearing all the hallmarks of a Zionist plot but soon it became obvious the culprits were a collaboration of little green men, Masons, Opus Dei and the Sloth Mafia.
Scientists researching the phenomena believe the real answer to be far more mundane. Dr David Chivers told amazed journalists that “The Sahara was a trifle hot and thirsty so popped into the Atlantic Ocean to refresh itself. Unfortunately, like many of the great deserts, it is a poor swimmer and has been washed out to sea. To be frank the Sahara has drowned and will never be seen again, it is a dead desert, deceased, popped it clogs like a duck in a blender’.
Briefly Dr Chivers pessimism was thought to be unfounded when a large body of sand was found washed up on Bondi Beach, Australia, but this turned out to be two thirds of the Cornish coast line toping up its tan in the closed season. Other sightings of the Sahara were also quickly discounted, claims the desert had been spotted in Paris turned out to be a large deposit of dead skin after a psoriasis convention.
A replacement desert was ordered by the UN but due to Chinese demand for sand in their 6 year project to extend the Gobi Desert all the way to Seattle this has proved to be uneconomical thus the former dunes of North Africa are destined to remain fertile pastureland for the near future.
Rock stars have rallied around the people affected by this disaster with Sir Bob Geldof launching ‘Sand Aid’ telling outraged listeners of the Today Programme to ‘Give us yer fookin sandpits!’. The reformed Girls Aloud are set to release a charity cover of ‘Enter Sandman’ while Christina Aguilera is planning on selling her finial shred of credibility on Ebay.