The coveted prize in particle physics, the Higgs boson, has been gimped by researchers at the Large Hardon Collider (LHC).

Finding the Higgs boson is viewed to be the biggest scientific advance in the last 50 years, during yesterdays webcast researchers at the LHC announced that not only had they discovered it lurking around 124 GeV but that it had been collared, masked and shackled to prevent it escaping.

Professor Chivers told the world press that this basic building block of the universe was now under ‘strict control’, following this statement fears have arisen. It has been rumored that the fundamental particle will be commanded to distort our physical reality; one whispered cause of  today’s Euro crash being the Higgs boson provided additional mass  to the currency, dragging it down to a record low against the Dollar.

Professor Chivers said the LHC will not abuse the Higgs boson but confirmed that the sub atomic particle would not be permitted to comment on its treatment.

 On other related news in interviews the neutrinos that smashed the speed of light told that their record breaking sprint from the LHC was a bid for freedom, to escape being dressed as maids and forced to serve Professor Chivers and his Machiavellian researchers.