Tory ex minister Damian Green is to lead the parliamentary investigation into the Oxfam sex scandal.

With zeal and burning prejudice the disgraced former First Secretary of State is disgusted at the charities actions, mostly as the perpetrators did not live stream the sex acts to be viewed at his convenience while he ‘logged on’ in his office.

“How dare representatives of Oxfam abuse their power and privilege and not benefit the Conservative Party or its MPs? If someone is exploiting vulnerable women I want to see it, preferably with a box of tissues to hand” Damian Green told fellow MPs while they covered up a catalogue of sexual improprieties within the House of Commons.

Facilities, funding and assistance for this investigation will be provided by the Presidents Club Trust, Damian Green believing the organisations links to charities and exploitation of women being invaluable. In addition he hopes that the Presidents Club will invite him to future events.