William Wragg right to apologise, says Rishi Sunak

The Prime Minister has accepted the honey trap MP’s, William Wragg, apology.

“I would have liked to have my telephone number shared and naked photos be sent to me but alas this didn’t happen, William Wragg has apologised and s now making recompense. I am enjoying my daily dick pic; today it was a picture of Boris Johnson”.

Trump Eats Like a Pig

Off the record accounts on David Camerons meeting with Donald trump report that the former US President ‘eats like a pig’ with no idea which spoon to use for soup or aware that he should chew with his mouth closed. Rumours are unconfirmed that the Foreign Minister got aroused at Trumps hoglike troffing, reminding him of university days at the Bullingdon Club.

Wilson Had an Affair While In Home Guard

Former Prime Minister Harold Wilson had an affair while in the Home Guard it has been revealed. Mavis Pike, mother of fellow Home Guardsman Frank Pike, published letters between herself and Wilson in which their intimate relationship was detailed along with Wilsons burgeoning political ambitions as he helped the wartime cabinet as a civil servant. In the last letter, sent just after Wilsons marriage to Mary Baldwin, the future Prime Minister proclaimed his longing for Mavis to put his ‘pipe’ in her mouth one more time and that Frank Pike, despite Captain Mainwaring rightly calling him a ‘stupid boy’, has more brain cells than Lord Halifax and Lord Gort combined.

John Cena Not Hoopy Frood Who Knows Where His Towel Is

Despite being a mindbogglingly stupid animal the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal has eaten wrestler John Cene at Wrestlemania XL, becoming the WWE Heavyweight Champion in the process.

‘You can’t see me’ claimed the WWE wrestler, wafting his hand in front of his eyes to avoid the beasts gaze. Alas the daft as a brush animal loss of vision was only temporary and soon began chomping upon Mr Cena in front of a stunned 60000 audience.

Multiple stars ran in to help the stricken wrestler but all failed, eventually the crowd popped to cries of “Head, Head, Head” when the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal held Cena’s lifeless head to its face and started having a conversation with it.