Investors Beware! A New Dragon Prowls The Den

BBC Two has announced today that serial entrepreneur and games designer Jervis Johnson will join the Dragons’ Den line-up for Series 18, on air later this summer.

Jervis has had first-hand experience of establishing and growing successful multi-million pound businesses, being instrumental in steering Games Workshop to becoming world leader in miniature and board games coupled with investing in diverse business portfolio including social media giant Facebook, discount supermarket Aldi and vintage lingerie brand What Katie Did. He will be adding his tactical insight and commercial knowledge to the den, hoping to slay the other Dragons and seize the next great business opportunities.

Jervis will be replacing original Dragon Peter Jones who is stepping down following his involvement in the disgraced Presidents Club charity auction.

Jervis Johnson said “I’m thrilled to become a dragon, as the tactical genius behind such games as ‘Warhammer’, ‘Bloodbowl’ and ‘Oi Dats My Leg’ I have a unique insight to eliminate the opposition, block their every move and most importantly I’m not Bryan Ansall”.

Dragons’ Den is produced by BBC Studios, the BBC’s main TV production arm. Filming for the new series begins this month and the show will return to BBC Two later in the year.

Advertisements

“I Quit” Fulgrim Reveals

Fulgrim, Primarch of the Emperors Children, has announced his retirement to spend more time gardening.

Speaking from deep within the Eye of Terror Fulgrim told a packed press conference that since the Emperors Death he’d become more and more detached from his life of debauched excess and brutalising the Imperium.

“Last week I woke up from sixty day orgy and decided enough was enough, casting aside the ten thousand nubile Dark Eldar slave girls and vowing to abstain from that day on and become a humble gardener” the daemon prince told the assembled journalists.

The former bioengineered superhuman and now arch acolyte of Slaanesh then provided samples of his wholesome produce, feeding the press hand grown cucumbers, bananas, pears and melons while nearby deamonettes made childish innuendos until banished.

In addition Fulgrim will be founding the Abbey Clinic, a place of solemn self-restraint, to assist traitor marines and cultists turn from the path of interminable pleasure and intemperance towards one of piety and humble virtue. Hoping one day to terraform Chemos and make it a verdant green and pleasant land once more