An unseasonable bullshit storm swept through Whitehall yesterday leaving nine dead and civil servants knee deep in their own fetid fork tongued fallacies.
It started when a front of economical truths fed obfuscations into prevailing south easterly winds of deceit which condensed over Eric Pickle’s male mammary mountains. Initially localized in the Department of Communities a thick layers of bullshit soon spread throughoutWhitehall
“Here at the treasury we’re without capacity to tell the truth” George Osborne told journalist, “Plan A is working, the dark days of depression are over and this winter we shall see the green shoots of recovery”.
In the Department for Education 2ft of bullshit fell overnight and more is expected following Michael Goves announcement that “Like Chairman Mao, we’ve embarked on a Long March to reform our education system. There will be a cultural revolution, a five year plan of empowerment filling school pupils with a sense of achievement and aspiration; no child will be left behind”.
Despite thick layers of bullshit business continues as normal, according to unnamed sources “This is nothing new, we were waist deep in crap following the Blair’s dodgy dossier; it’s keep calm, carry on and grab a paddle to as there’s a shit creek outside!”.
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills has been unaffected by the bullshit storm but any requests for comment are greeted by Vince Cable rocking forwards and backwards on his chair screaming “We’re doomed Captain Cameron, we’re doomed!”