Trump Appoints GI Joe As Defence Secretary

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After a dramatic call to toy manufacturers Hasbro Donald Trump has appointed GI Joe codename ‘Duke’ as Homeland Defence Secretary.

The president elect told journalists that he’d watched two feature length documentaries where this great man has saved the world from COBRA and there was no one more capable from protecting the United States from ISIS, Al Qaeda and Jeremy Beadle; Trump still continuing his personal vendetta against this comedian following an episode of ‘You’ve Been Framed’ where he was tricked into believing Darth Vader was President of the European Union and Princess Leia wanted him to join her on a date so she could make his lightsabre go ‘woooosh’.

‘Duke’ has been relieved of all his duties with the elite GI Joe wing of the US Army and upon his return from Syria, where he’s been fighting ISIS and their secret backer ‘Destro’, will gain full security clearance and begin the mammoth task of securing the US borders while hunting out terrorist and insurgents like Bernie Sanders. ‘Duke’ will be aided in this task by fellow members of GI Joe, with ‘Roadblock’ and ‘Gung-Ho’ already patrolling the Mexican border with extreme prejudice.

It is believed that ‘Snake Eyes’ was offered a role within the Trump administration but has not commented, sources close to this secretive soldier met with the president elect was mute throughout the encounter then made various lewd hand gestures before silently walking away from an enraged Trump.  Comic studios have also been approached to provide senior staff for the Trump administration and Sylvester Stallone dressed as Judge Dredd is to become Attorney General.

 

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