WARHAMMER WORLD – The Trump Doctrine


Once installed as President of the United States of America Donald Trump is set to rename Earth ‘Warhammer World’. In addition Trump will declare himself to be the living embodiment of Warmaster Horus tasked with conquering humanity in the names of the ruinous powers Khorne, Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Jervis Johnson.

All Abrams tanks will be designated  ‘Land Raiders’ and NATO allies defined as the ‘Imperial Guard’ and expected to perform their duties utilizing the guidance within that learned tome of military discipline ‘The Imperial Guardsman’s Uplifting Primer’.

“It’s perfect” Trump told journalists from his Warbarge floating on the Birmingham to Liverpool canal, “Our geopolitical enemy is China and, according to that learned digest ‘Slaves to Darkness’, the Emperors palace was in the Himalayas …we’ll be fighting over identical territory”.

“Alas there are no Titans but after talking to Vince McMann the WWE will be loaning us ‘The Big Show’. This giant will dress up as a Reaver while John Cena and Shamus will don Warhound costumes…let say we’ve got this angel covered” Trump continued after learning that ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ was not a documentary.

When asked about his route to Chaos Trump declared that the corruption started after meeting two denizens of Khorne known as ‘Saint and Greavsie’ who, under the cover of the Rumbelows Cup Draw, subverted the real estate tycoon. Other meetings with agents of the other chaos powers fortified this degeneration until he was crowned Lord of Chaos undivided in Nottingham by Jervis Johnson, Rick Priestly, Andy Chambers and Bryan Ansell in 1996 as England were knocked out of Euro Championships.

Since that day Trump has been conducting proxy wars, all designed to result in his eventual triumph at the ballot box and ultimate destiny of being the true Emperor of Humanity. The only false step being when he was almost outed as an agent of Chaos in 2012 but Champion of Tzeentch Vladimir Putin had Alexander Litvinenko assassinated with warpstone.

In the new grim dark Warhammer world there will only be war, and sexual harassment in accordance to the 6 laws of Slaanesh.

NEWS FLASH: Following a cease and desist letter from Games Workshops lawyers the Earth will not be renamed ‘Warhammer World’. Donald Trump has been stripped of his presidency and will be replaced by Jervis Johnson. Senior officers within the US military are thrilled with their new commander in chief, stating that “We’ve read his battle reports in White Dwarf and is only because of bad luck and poor dice roles that this great man has never actually won a game”


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