Well a Priest Anyhow…

A shock supreme court decision declared Teresa May will be unable to trigger Article 50, to leave the European Union, without express permission from Stephen Griffiths. Unbeknown to most the European Harmony Act 1984 included statute 7, ‘No attempt to leave the European Economic Area or successive organization may occur without consent of Harold Godwinsons heir, true successor to the crown of England; forsaking the yoke of Gilliam the Bastard and his Norman usurpers’.

This statute was added to the act by Kenneth Clarke following a wild night in Soho, while drinking in the Coach and Horses Peter O’Toole bet the then junior minister the pricy sum of £10 that he could not get ‘Gilliam the Bastard’ into an Act of Parliament.

Following extensive genealogical research and DNA testing it was confirmed that the oldest living male heir to Harold Godwinson is hospital Chaplin Stephen Griffith who, when contacted with this news, formally submitted a claim to the thrones of England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland but he does not want Berwick Upon Tweet ‘Because I’m a contrary bastard and when I visited there in 2008 I got stung by a wasp’. Enacting the ancient tradition of ‘Trial by Combat’ the Stephen is scheduled to fight the Queen, with this cultural event broadcast live on BBC4.

In addition Stephen Griffith has insisted that he be announced as the new Doctor, replacing Peter Capaldi, with Karen Gilliam returning as his companion to help with his sonic screwdriver.

Being a member of the Church of England Stephen will officially ‘sit on the fence’ and is refusing to take a position on Brexit, only after 100 years and numerous synods will a decision be taken whether to allow the United Kingdom to leave the European Union.