Superpower and world largest economy, the USA, has pushed the worlds future into doubt with a pause on intelligence; instead making policy based upon JD Vance’s ‘Magic 8 Ball of Bullshit’.

Each morning the Vice President will deputise for Milania Trump, fellate his master, then shake his ‘Magic Ball of Bullshit’ that will decide any important decisions that need to be made that day. This morning the White House Press Office informed journalists that:

42 Byzantine Officials executed in 845 for refusing to convert to Isam would be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Pope Nicolas V is to be excommunicated for being too woke.

Coats Land in Antarctica is to be renamed Chillie, Chillie is to be renamed Gulf of Mexico.

The SAS, a UK Special Forces unit, is to be disbanded for making US Special Forces look incompetent.

Singapore is to be declared the world’s largest art installation and will be sold at Sothebys New York in June.

Yesterday’s decision to end support to Ukraine has been stricken from the record following news reaching the Vice President regarding the Battle of Aizkraukle, where Lithuania defeated the Livonian Order in 1279.