Cameron Denies Paying for Sex

Prime Minister David Cameron has denied allegations that he paid prostitutes to attend parties at 10 Downing Street and Chequers.

In an interview with Heat Magazine the leader of the Conservative Party said there is nothing in his private life that he is ashamed of beyond a moment of madness with Eric Pickles in 2007 when they took each others honorable members in hand and shared an inappropriate embrace.

Mr Cameron alleges that the prostitutes at the centre of scandal has been paid to make false accusations against him; insisting he has never paid for sex, rejecting the Telegraph claims that showed the Prime Minister had claimed expenses of £17000 in 2010 and already £15000 in 2011 for the supply of party hostesses from Allure, a high class escort agency.

He has repeated denied any wrong doing and could not be blamed for the bad behavior of others. His claims for hostesses were to ensure his parties had the trappings of power that were fitting of someone in his position, “do you expect us to use the Number 10 tea ladies to hand out smoked salmon canopies or maybe it should be (Teresa) May and the zombiefied Margaret Thatcher?”

Last week two glamour models, Roxy and Yvette, alleged they were paid to attend parties at Number 10 during which David and his wife Samantha would choose one to return later and spend the night with them while George Osborne babysat their three children next door.

In the interview Mr Cameron affirmed his domestic arrangements were “very normal and boring, lacking the wild sexual liberation of the models accusations” adding, “I never understood where the satisfaction is when you’re missing the pleasure of conquest but if ever Cleggo fancies cementing the coalition with a nights ‘swinging’ Im game”.

Big Budget porn film shot in 11 Downing Street

‘Osbornes Big Budget’, a pornographic film, has been shot at 11 Downing Street sources have revealed.  

In the desperate attempt to shore up the public finances an X rated movie was filmed at the Chancellors official residence, generating substantial revenue for the public coffers. The movie stars leading members of the Conservative/Liberal coalition who’ve donated their fees to the nation.  “In this era of austerity we need every penny we can get, to balance budget we need to think outside the box and if it involves being labeled a MILF and getting shafted by the Liberals so be it” said Teresa May who stars alongside Danny Alexander.  

The movie will be shown on the Adult Channel to coincide with this years budget has George Osborne giving a female junior minister a double dip rear session. Later Mr Osborne is dragged from preparing the budget to ‘massage’ his wifes figure and according to the press release ‘its certainly not just VAT that’s rising this year’.  In the finial scene Nick Clegg enjoys some close cooperation with Liam Fox and Sara Teather who puts the ‘Oh La La’ back into politics, sporting a PVC French maids outfit!  

David Cameron was scheduled to appear in the movie but sources close to the Prime Minister Office stated ‘In politics he’s a big fig fish but in the bedroom he’s a minnow’  

MP’s are bemoaning the expenses crisis for thanks to Jacki Smith husband getting caught they will no longer be able to get away with claiming such movies on expense.