Russian leaders fight over Libya

Russia’s President Dmitry Medvedev has said Prime Minister Vladimir Putin’s description of the UN resolution on Libya to be “unacceptable”. This rare rebuke came following Mr Putins statement declaring the Resolution 3407 to resemble a ‘medieval calls for crusades’.

 To resolve the impasse between president and prime minister it was agreed that, as red blooded men, they would do the only honorable thing; have a fight! Scheduled for the 1st April and shown exclusively on ESPN the no holds barred bout will decide future Russian policy upon Libya; the first to cause their opponents death or major injury being declared the victor.

In the red corner will be Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, pro Gadaffi and will be suitably dressed like the Libyan leader. Following the US lead ‘no fly zone’ Mr Putins ‘gentleman’s sausage’ will be hanging out of the gaping hole at the front of his trousers. Being a black belt in the martial art of Li Kwan Cho the former presidents a hot favorite to pummel his successor into premature retirement.

In the blue corner will be President Dmitry Medvedev, initially it was suggested he was to attired like President Sarkozy of France but publically stated that no one was going to make dress like a ‘Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Dwarf’. Instead Mr Medvedev will be blacking up and be Barak Obama. Unknown to many the current president previously blacked up after George Foreman was injured in training; only loosing to Muhammad Ali in the last round in what is now known as ‘The Rumble in the Jungle’.

Drawing from the crème de la crème of international politics the combatants ‘seconds’ are equally substantial. Putin having chosen ex cage fighter and three times Ultimate Fighting Heavyweight Champion Kim Jong II. The supreme leader of North Korea has been training hard, single handedly defeating the combined Chinese and Korean Tai Kwan Do squads in hand to hand combat and   occasionally relaxing at the golf course with near perfect rounds of 54 under par.

Mr Medvedev has chosen judo expert and Defense Secretary William Hague. Sources close to Hague say he’s up for the fight. ‘William is mean, he’s lean and thanks to carbon offsetting he’s green!’ Sources also claim that the former leader of the Conservative party is ‘Ready to have a few pints, batter Putin and be eating a kebab before round 2 if required. You can take the man out of Yorkshire but you cant take Yorkshire out of the man’.

Dire Straits are set to rerelease ‘Brothers in Arms’ as official song of ‘Premier Deathmatch 2011’ while McDonalds ‘Big Whack’ is lined up to be the official snack.