Michael Gove “Getting this book into schools, a personal ‘Mein Kampf”

Michael Gove “Getting this book into schools, a personal ‘Mein Kampf”

 “We should celebrate and cherish great works whose still resonate within society, long after their original printing’ Education Secretary Michael Gove told journalists.

 Beating the podium with his fist he declared “Getting this book into schools was a personal mein kampf but we found a final solution to the issue and now all children have access to Hitler’s powerful, authoritative polemic; for we do not learn history just in order to know the past, we learn history in order to find instructions to prevent future mistakes and for the continued existence of our own nation”.

 The project, costing £350000, has been paid for by a consortium of 8 Conservative Party donors, or a “band of fellow travellers” according to the Education Secretary.

 “The pulsing heart of this book is experienced 87 years after it was published, we still talk about the ‘blitz spirit’, Top Gear drove across the desert in a car bearing the Luftwaffe’s livery while Chelsea fans, including our fine chancellor, hummed the ‘Great Escape’ during last weeks cup final. Without ‘Mien Kampf’ none of these would have taken place. It is because of this we should all acclaim and revere this book, it is why I have made it a feature of every school library”.

 Outlining what he’d personally learnt from ‘Mein Kampf Michael Gove stated that his political communiqués bare its legacy,

“If you wish for sympathy of the broad masses, you must tell them the crudest and most stupid things. All propaganda must be popular and its intellectual level must be adjusted to the most limited intelligence among those it is addressed to. To be blunt I speak crap because the man on the street only understands little but shit”.   

Answering the final question the Education Secretary said “David modelled for the cover, we think he bears a striking likeness”

 When pressed Gove refused to clarify if it was David Mitchell or David Cameron who posed for the cover, representatives of both refuse to comment on the matter.

 Tony Blair is rumoured to be embarking on a similar project, donating copies of ‘Slaughterhouse 5’ to every school along with a little red book called ‘Quotations of Chairman Murdoch, an invaluable reference during his premiership. The book contains 10 blank pages towards the end for the reader to complete with fresh dictates from Chairman Murdoch. David Cameron also is known to possess a copy, the latest edition with a forward by Rebecca Brooks.


Michael Gove to send Mien Kampf to all English schools

Education State schools in England are to receive a copy of Mein Kampf from the government with a brief forward by Michael Gove, the education secretary, to mark the 87th anniversary of its publication.

In a move intended to help every pupil access Britain’s cultural heritage each primary and secondary school will receive a copy next year, to coincide with the anniversary of Hitler’s 1923 Munich Beer Hall putsch.

Gove will write a brief foreword in this special edition, “It is a thing of beauty and incredible historical importance. No other book has helped shape and define Britain in the last 200 years. The consequences of Hitler’s words and the deeds they inspired still resonate today in the nations shared culture”.  

The Department for Education estimates the cost of the scheme at £375,000, and is seeking philanthropic sponsorship from someone beyond Nick Griffin who is please the BNP’s 2010 manifesto is being distributed to all schools.

Heroes of the Occupy Movement: #4 Adolf Hitler

 Initially thought to be a modern movement, beginning with ‘Occupy Wall Street’ in September 2011, its origins lie within the 20th Century. Attempting to be a bulwark against capitalism to the west and totalitarianism to the east Adolf Hitler’s Germanic ‘Occupy Europe’ unified the continent following the 1930’s global great depression.

In 1933 the National Socialists Workers Party achieved power within Germany, promising national and cultural renewal. Utilizing this springboard Hitler launched his movement protesting against the Treaty of Versailles, beginning with ‘Occupy Rhineland, Anschluss and Sudetenland’ then ‘Occupy Poland’.

Similar to now, political reaction then was initially containment which eventually escalated into violence;France and the United Kingdom utilizing force to assault the fledgling movement. Unlike the brutal police crackdowns in Oakland and New York Hitler withstood the confrontation, mobilizing manpower to expand into what became known as ‘Occupy Europe’; soon the National Socialists Workers Party had spread its wings from France to the gates of Moscow.

Here lay the movements downfall, expanding too far too fast culminated with the failure of ‘Occupy North Africa’. Defeat by the British Empire in Libya was the beginning of the end, this compounded by Japan’s ‘Occupy Asia’ movement being overpowered by American aggression. The unfortunate protesters attacked with pepper spray in Oakland got off lucky, agents of the United States utilized atomic weapons in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Soon the jackboots of capitalism and totalitarianism quashed the National Socialists Workers Party, its leadership subsequently executed. We hope those camped outside St Pauls, in Central Park and throughout the world do not suffer the fate of Hitler and his ‘Occupy Europe’ movement.

News in Brief:

 Eric Pickles to scrutinize meals over 1000 Calories

Eric Pickles has vowed to curb excessive local authority spending on meals and refreshments by personally testing any over 1000 calories, blocking any that seem excessive or not value for money.

The Communities Secretary, whose waistline is an avid supporter of David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ told journalists

“Too many people enter local politics to get on the gravy train of free dinners and Champaign receptions. Take this Chicken Balti Birmingham Council plan on serving during a celebration of the cities cuisine, its delicious but unwarranted; Labor councils should go back to their roots; peas, pies and chips”.

Pickles refused to comment upon the excesses of Conservative councils but did point out that this personal gluttony was a sacrifice he was willing to make, if he increased in mass to reduce the deficit so be it.  

To this statement his chin, a life form in its own right, wobbled with agreement.

William Chooses Hitler to be Best Man

Heir to the throne chooses Great Uncles Edwards favorite fascist dictator to be his best man

Former German Chancellor thrilled to be asked, his first public function since going into hiding in 1945.

“Im so happy that William has taken the finial solution to his relationship with Kate Middleton” he told the Daily Mail


Catholic Priest Banned from Facebook

Papal officials have banned clergy from using Facebook, worried at them logging onto the site, looking at pictures of peoples children, clicking ‘like’ and then poking them.


Blair Pledges Book Proceeds to Injured Spin Doctor Charity

A spokesperson for the former Prime Minster, who is already understood to have received a £4.6m advance, said Mr Blair would hand over all the money he makes, “as a way of marking the enormous sacrifice spin doctors make and have made to the people of Great Britain and the world”.

“In making this decision Tony Blair recognizes the courage, the sacrifice and most importantly the double speak spin doctors have demonstrated in face of a sometimes uncomfortable truth. This is my way of honoring them.”

The proceeds will go to the Practitioners of Exceptional Spin and Trickery (PEST) Benevolent Fund