Fred Goodwin Announced as Supprise New World Bank Head

The former chartered accountant who presided over the collapse and forced nationalization of the Royal Bank of Scotland, then the worlds largest banks 5th largest bank, has been appointed as president of the World Bank; responsible for overseeing $500bn worth of loans and capital investments aimed at poverty reduction.

Fred ‘The Shred’ Goodwin, whose knighthood was annulled in February, was nominated by David Cameron following discussions with George Osbourne and John Hemmingway, the Liberal Democrats economics guru.

After intense negotiations at the Davos summit Fred Goodwin received 58% of votes cast, beating the Chinese nominee of Jim Yong Kim into second place. It has been insuated that David Cameron was forced to relive his school days at Eton to secure US block vote, rumors abound include hot buttered crumpets and the prime minister being Barak Obama’s fag.

“I do not think that the World Bank could have a better nominee” the prime minister told journalists, “His personal pension negotiations, coupled with experience at the heart of the 2009 financial meltdown, shows that this man has unique skills to lead the world bank”. 

Angela Merkel was more guarded with her praise, “In 2003 he was ‘European Banker of the Year’ but in 2009 he was ‘European rhymes with banker of the year but as I got British support against that trumpt up short arse with a Napolean complex, Sarkozy, I said whatever; I`ll vote for ‘The Shred’”.

US officials have been facing a backlash over the World Bank nomination, which has traditionally gone to an American citizen. AdamSandler, the star of ‘Happy Gilmore’ and one of Obama’s top comic advisers, had been seen as a frontrunner.

Katie Price, director of the Boob Institute in Essex and a special growth advisor to George Osbourn, had also thrown her hat into the ring but later withdrew as it would clash with getting her nails done. 

After the new became public on Friday, Goldman Sachs tweeted: “Fred Goodwinis a superb candidate for WB. We support him 100%. Our clients are muppets and now the head of world bank is one. All we need is the IMF to be headed by Fozzy Bear and our work is done.”


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