Chesterfield Hospitals Daily 03/07/15

Spending Review Update

Following NHS cuts Chesterfield University Hospitals will be dramatically amending standard operating procedures.

 

  • All general anaesthetic will no longer be administered by a trained anaesthetist, instead it`ll be administered by a hammer.
  • Following the success of the ‘great British Sewing Bee’ surgical stitching has been outsourced to the Newbold Patchwork Society, whose members will take time out from their craft making to perform much needed medical needlework.
  • When blood supplies are running low ketchup is a low cost alternative and is in plentiful supply within the hospital shop.
  • Death has been added to the criteria used to officially categorise an operation ‘successful’.

 

iHospital Update – How to Email an Attachment

 

Following technical issues new guidelines have been written on how to email an attachment, which are as follows:

-Print the document out then, find someone going in the general direction of the intended recipient. Staple the document to this person, it is now the recipients job to hunt down the carrier and snatch it as they pass.

This should resolve the situation.

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