CQC Said, Chesterfield University Hospitals Did…Give Women A Voice

 In last years CQC report it was stated that Chesterfield University Hospitals not only has a glass ceiling but also a mezzanine floor of misogyny. To correct this we’ve promised to give those lovely little nurses and receptionists a voice, so they don’t have to overheat their busy brains needlessly.

 From tomorrow onwards there will be pink comments box in the staff canteen where female members of staff can express their views, this will be emptied daily and its contents used to line the corporate hamster nest each night.

 Windows 95 Operating System Audit

 Is your PC or laptop still running Windows 95? If so it needs to be replaced!

The iHospital team will be conducting an audit of all obsolete equipment and IT systems, with those running Windows 95 a key priority. Please contact extension 4670 to book an IT Service Engineer appointment, who’ll replace your outdated IT equipment with one running the vastly superior Windows Vista.

 Complaints about People Using Chapel as Place of Worship

 Following a complaint from all 36 members of Derbyshire Dogging, Chesterfield University Hospitals Chesterfield University Hospitals would like to reiterate that its Chapel is a place of worship.

The 36 ‘Double D’s’  claimed that this was a public space that they should be able to go about whatever business they wished, the regular wearing of ‘dresses’ by male clergy going to show that debauched acts are permitted.

Lead Chaplin Jenny Griffiths stated that ‘Just because I can, and do, go to parties as both a tart and a vicar this does not stop the hospital chapel being a solemn place but I welcome Double D’s to any of our services with open arms and a loving embrace.’