News in Brief

Santa Denied Work Permit in Post Brexit Britain

Following the EU referendum Santa has been denied a work permit and will be banned from delivering presents following the implementation of strict immigration controls. Boarder enforcement agencies have been issued with explicit orders to deny entry to illegal workers through any means, with Army and Royal Air Force both conducting training exercises in intercepting and eliminating a reindeer powered flying sleigh.

It has been suggested that this zero tolerance policy of Santa is following MI5 providing intelligence to Teresa May which suggested she was on the naughty and not nice list thus wouldn’t be getting any presents anyhow.

Donald Trump at Least ‘50% Hamster’ Claims Freddie Star

Notorious hamster muncher Freddie Star claims that he’d sampled Donald Trump and can confirm the president elect is part rodent, probably hamster.

The alleged comedian claims he met Trump at notorious Nottinghamshire dogging site Fanny’s Grove and in the car park was able to appraise the property tycoons structure.

“It tastes of rodent with a tang of liquorice” Starr claims, “he’s at least 50% hamster but all gentleman with the way he treated me”.

Donald Trump has not commented on these claims, but this could be because his cheeks were filled with food.

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