Category Archives: News

by

Big Budget porn film shot in 11 Downing Street

‘Osbornes Big Budget’, a pornographic film, has been shot at 11 Downing Street sources have revealed.  

In the desperate attempt to shore up the public finances an X rated movie was filmed at the Chancellors official residence, generating substantial revenue for the public coffers. The movie stars leading members of the Conservative/Liberal coalition who’ve donated their fees to the nation.  “In this era of austerity we need every penny we can get, to balance budget we need to think outside the box and if it involves being labeled a MILF and getting shafted by the Liberals so be it” said Teresa May who stars alongside Danny Alexander.  

The movie will be shown on the Adult Channel to coincide with this years budget has George Osborne giving a female junior minister a double dip rear session. Later Mr Osborne is dragged from preparing the budget to ‘massage’ his wifes figure and according to the press release ‘its certainly not just VAT that’s rising this year’.  In the finial scene Nick Clegg enjoys some close cooperation with Liam Fox and Sara Teather who puts the ‘Oh La La’ back into politics, sporting a PVC French maids outfit!  

David Cameron was scheduled to appear in the movie but sources close to the Prime Minister Office stated ‘In politics he’s a big fig fish but in the bedroom he’s a minnow’  

MP’s are bemoaning the expenses crisis for thanks to Jacki Smith husband getting caught they will no longer be able to get away with claiming such movies on expense.

by

‘We make Films not Bombs’ Claims North Korea

 North Korea have denied that the Wi Bombu nuclear complex has resumed enriching uranium, instead claiming recent activity is due to filming of  ‘On His Supreme Leaders Secret Service’, the latest in the Kim Jong-il franchise.

Despite overwhelming evidence that Pyong Yang has recommenced its nuclear programme, including the purchase of high grade uranium ore from unitednuclear.com, North Korea have denied this is further evidence of increasing belligerent behavior.

“Barak Obama and lackeys are idiots, making a crisis out of a sequel” said Premier Yo Tong-rim. “Last year we make ‘The Capitalist Pigdog who Loved Me’ and it win 12 Oscars, this year we make ‘On His Supreme Leaders Secret Service’ and it will win 18 Oscars. We attempt to promote peace, prosperity and stability in the Korean peninsula and Asia with Double O Seven film, watch Kim Jung-il save the world from George W Bushfelds deviously dumb designs for global domination, scuppering his Star Wars stratagem and destroying his devilish ‘Death Star’”.

In an international dispute linked to these films MGM Studios and George Lucas have begun legal proceedings relating to copyright infringement. North Korea has counter sued the estate of Ian Fleming, MGM Studios and George Lucas stating that both the Star Wars and James Bond franchises were facsimile copies of previously unreleased works of Kim Il Sung.

“Take ‘Man with the Golden Gun’, James Bond save world in a shooting duel with man with three nipples. This same as our Eternal Leaders ‘Man with the Hole in One’ where Kim Jung-il save world in a golfing dual with man with two nipples. We sue you, we want your money now!’ Premier Yo Tong-rim told journalist at this Premier of “Star Wars Episode V: The Korean Workers Party Strikes Back’.  

The chairman of the US joint chiefs of staff, Mike Mullen, said it provided further evidence of North Korea’s increasingly departure from reality. “We are unable to believe anything this regime states, both publically or private. Only last week the North Korean Ambassador presented himself to Barak Obama and requested that, as true heir of King George V, he would like his colonies back, please could he have keys to the Statue of Liberty to take it for a test drive like in Ghostbusters 2.”.

Equally annoying have been Korean officials threats when travelling, regularly tweeting that ‘There is a bum on this plane, unless you fly to directly Pyong Yang with $10 million in non sequential dollar bills it will break wind!”

Further talks to discuss the international impasse on how to deal with this rogue state are set to resume next week, “The only hope is engagement with North Korea” said Mike Mullan “if we have to take one for the team and be joined in holy matrimony the United States will do whatever’s required”.  

by

Some of the lesser reported Wikileaks revelations…

 

  • During the George W Bush’s 2004 state visit an unnamed civil servant was employed to carry a stereo and follow the then president to ensure the then he could deploy Bruce Springsteen’s classic ‘Born in the USA’ at 45 seconds notice.
  • China covertly announced it would support the unification of North and South America, under the transitional presidency of Hugo Chavez in America’s new capital Caracas.
  • During an arms fair in Turkey the Duke of York was noted as saying something of both interest and intelligence; first time since 1984 when, at his brothers wedding, he accidently let slip that he gave the marriage 6 years and then Charles would be ‘back boffing horse face Parker Bowels’.
  • In 2001 Donald Rumsfeld almost deployed Luci Lawless in Afghanistan after accidently believing that ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ was a documentary.
  • Prince Harry sings ‘God Save Grandma’ during recitals of the national anthem.
  • Educational experts were drafted in to teach George W Bush to count beyond 10 to enable the President to deal with the 9/11 tragedy.
  • To earn money as a student the French President Nicolas Sarkozy was once employed by the rock band Queen be 1 of the 7 dwarfs carrying trays of cocaine on their heads during the bands infamous 1981 New Years Eve party; unconfirmed reports state Freddie Mercury declared ‘I want it all, I want it all, I want it now’ and the Mr Sarkozy duly delivered and hasn’t been able to eat a banana ever since.
  • In 2007 an unnamed US diplomat stated the biggest tragedy of the Iraq invasion was accidently bombing Bagdads outlet of McDonalds for, despite the brutal internal civil war, everything would be ok if they could get his teeth around a Big Mac.
  • Mahmud Ahmadinejad is a massive fan of ‘Sex in the City’ and return for a 6 month hiatus in Irans nuclear programme was allowed to attend last years movie premier.
  • The USA regularly contemplates invading Canada ‘for the hell of it’.