Win For Germany!

Following a review of historical urine samples Germany has been awarded victory in WWII, with the Allied team lead by Russia, USA and United Kingdom being disqualified for doping violations.

It is believed that the current Russian doping scandal stretches beyond sport, with soldiers and bomb dogs being ‘as juicy as hell’ throughout the second world war.

Germany will be formally awarded victory in WWII on Christmas day, with the Allied team to begin making war reparations on 1st January, with interest on the $300bn backdated to 1945.

Along with Germany the other Axis powers, Italy and Japan, will be awarded permanent seats upon the UN Security Council replacing Russia, China and United Kingdom. France will become the 5th Republic and handed over to Marie Le Penn, the heir to the Vici Regime while the United States will remain under the Trump who it is believed would be viewed as a ‘tad mental’ even by the Third Reich. There will be continuity within the UK, but with Princess Beatrice and Eugenie being declared co regents until Boris Johnson grows up. When asked about her meddling with British dynastic politics Angela Merkel shrugged and replied ‘why not’.

From 25th December all history books will be judged void and will be reprinted with the German interpretation of events. The Deutschmark will replace the Euro, Rouble and Pound, becoming the only legal currency within Europe. Brexit will become Brenter, with the British Parliament and Supreme Court moved to Belgium to enable the country to be truly governed by Brussels.

The Queen is thought to be pleased that the nation of her families heritage won the Second World War and will return to be known as Elizabeth Sax Kohlberg Goethe.

England ‘Gay and Proud’

Following sensational photos of England holding hands with Germany this green and pleasant land has come out of the closet.

In a dramatic press conference the Queen told stunned journalists ‘One is gay and one is proud. This fair nation is a player of the pink obo, it is a homosexual. Britannia was and never has been a trident wielding goddess but a demi god called Brian who flirted with transvestitism in 84 AD to avoid being drafted into the Roman army and has been in drag ever since”.

In today’s ‘Gay Times’ Brian told how ‘It was wear a dress or be butchered by Boudicca. Afterwards I began thinking hmmmm the wind around your English Channel is rather pleasing so remained a woman ever since’.

Discussing his relationship with Germany it emerged that the nations have been involved in a tempestuous love/hate affair with heated argument over where to squeeze the toothpaste tube resulting in two world wars. It was only when Germany cured its schizophrenia, with the countries collective consciousness no longer divided into east and west, were the two nations finally reunited. ‘Once Germany demolished the walls in its mind there was nothing that could stop us, it was like the good old days fondling each others currencies until pennies were spewed everywhere’.

Brian told the Gay Times that ‘Just because you’re gay it doesn’t mean you fancy every country that walks the planet; Scotland can sod off and have all the independence it wants! Im fed up with the wee country being on top all these years and anyhow I’ve seen under his kilt and even on warm days it is rather wee if you catch my drift’.

Brian didn’t divulge his view on Wales but sources have suggested that ‘every country needs a codpiece’.