The Prime Minister has become the latest politician to be subject to investigation by the gambling watchdog, after admitting he put £500 on the election date just 10 minutes before announcing it outside 10 Downing Street.

As journalists waited in the rain outside 10 Downing Street the PM was having a flutter, the delay in announcing the election was caused by tech whiz Rishi Sunak trying to work out how to open a Paddy Power online account, and in his haste managed to wager £500 on 14^th July. 10 Minutes later Sunak announced that the election would be held on 4^th July.

Michael Gove, the levelling up secretary, likened this scandle to the Partygate Affair that also involved Rishi Sunak, and has led to the Labour Party wondering if it needs to spend any money on campaigning as the Tory Party are happily doing their work for them.

“Not only are the Tories showing their selfish crooks but they’re incompetent, how can you trust this man to run a country when he cant win a wager he already knows the result of! Cretin!” Kier Stamer told journalists in his daily briefing before cancelling all future briefings to spend more time “laughing at Conservative Party fuck ups”, before reminding everyone that his father “was a tool maker”.