National debt ascends to heaven, God decrees Britain free from the yolk of usury.
Following yesterdays crisis talking between the General Synod and leading members of the coalition government George Osborne stood on the steps of11 Downing Streetand declared ‘We shall have solvency in our time!’
Later Rowen Williams told assembled dignitaries in Westminster Abby that the ‘Almighty, in his divine wisdom, has absolved theUnited Kingdom of its national debt. These green and pleasant lands will no longer be blighted by usury, today we build Jerusalem’.
At 17.49 GMT banks, data centres and stock markets became shrouded in light and by God divine will all records of UK government bonds departed these earthly realms with accounts fully settled in full. Additionly 100000 bottles of Buxton Water transmogrified into vintage claret, the physically and mentally sick languishing in NHS hospitals were cured, free to enjoy this nations prosperity while BP oil engineers cast their ‘nets’ to the other side of the Piper oilfield and struck an estimated 40m tonnes of untapped oil along with 22 cubic kilometers of natural gas
Speaking to the UN General Assembly David Cameron told shocked ambassadors and representatives that
“Casting my eyes upon that dread balance-sheet, contemplating our dangers with a disillusioned eye, I saw great reason for intense vigilance and exertion, but none whatever for panic or despair. During the first two years of the credit crunch we experienced nothing but disaster and disappointment. Now at the end of the third year our finances are more robust than ever, greater than that of the Germans, who had moved from one economic triumph to another. During this crisis we repeatedly asked ourselves the question, “How are we going to survive?” and no one was able ever to answer it with much precision, until at the end, quite suddenly, quite unexpectedly, our almighty decreed this nation to be free from the yolk of usury”
It later transpired that this was not the only recent divine intervention with the career of Bruce Forsyth regularly being resurrected, unlike the light entertainers hair which the Arch Bishop of Canterbury confirmed was a wig.