Chesterfield University Hospitals Chaplaincy have been successfully sued by Eddie Izzard following their ‘Cake or Death’ Pastoral Care Policy. To reduce the number of long term admissions the Chaplaincy began offering patients the choice of ‘Cake or Death’, unsurprisingly only one patient refused the rather splendid lemon drizzle cake on offer and chose death. It later transpired that this patient was somewhat hard of hearing and thought the Chaplain had said cake or Beth, his wife name, and thus believed Beth would be visiting later for a conjugal visit; one last ‘roll in the hay’ before his hip replacement.

Attending Chesterfield Crown Court smartly dressed in a suit, with rouge lipstick and fingernails, Eddie Izzard demonstrated that this policy was simply an extension of a comedy sketch from his 1996 Outrageous tour, thus the Chaplaincy had not only plagiarised his work but in addition based supposedly sound medical practice upon unsound twaddle he’d thought up after one two many G&T’s.

Due to overwhelming evidence, including a 2006 Youtube video where the sketch was set to Lego animation, Eddie Izzard won his case and £100000 damages.

“Eddie Izzard is a silly individual who continues to transgress with his transgendered antics, here within the hospital chaplaincy and the Church of England in general you would never find such deviance” said Rev Stephen Griffiths in his long flowing liturgical vestment.