Chesterfield University Hospitals Daily 26/04/16

Jo Guest Lecture Tomorrow:  ‘Enjoyable Discharges’ 

 Operations Manager, and former glamour model, Jo Guest will give the annual Kenneth Williams lecture, this year titled ‘Enjoyable Discharges: How Nurses can Satisfy Patients Needs’.

 The event will take place in the “name to be decided, please can someone from Chesterfield do something scientifically significant” lecture theatre on 29th April. Anyone wishing to propose to their partner during the lecture will be given a £10 voucher to spend in Anne Summers, sponsors of the Discharge Lounge, to provide relief from the lack of fulfilment within marriage.

 Correction

In yesterdays Chesterfield University Hospitals Daily we erroneously stated that “renowned scientists Professor Brian Cocks will be visiting the site to present his lecture ‘Large Hardon Colander and its Impact upon Medical Tautology’”.

 This should have been Professor Brian Cox presenting the lecture ‘Large Hadron Collider and its Impact upon Medical Technology’. Changes have been made to the editorial team, hopefully things can only get better.

Chesterfield University Hospitals Daily 10.02.15

Nurse-Led Discharge Unit Gains New Sponsor

Chesterfield University Hospitals are proud to announce that the nurse-led discharge unit will now be known as the Anne Summers Discharge Unit from today.

The unit aims to ensure patients have a smooth and pleasant discharge, with additional funds and uniforms provided by Anne Summer ensuring the newly christened ‘Rabbit Ward’ has suitable staffing levels allowing nurses to provide close, hands on, attention.

“Our aim is to make sure patients leave this hospital with a smile on their faces and with the help of Anne Summers we can give everyone a happy ending to their stay” Medical Director Dr Chivers told the Press.

iHospital – Share Your Views

Following the outrage caused by this weekends iHospital outrage, where Chesterfield University Hospital was left with only one working computer, the views of staff are sought in a pretence of being an employer that listens to its staff. The tick box exercise will take place between 10th February and 23rd February, then the results will be ignored and all records of the survey expunged from the hospitals records.

The finance department has also been decontaminated following an outbreak of Norovirus, the cause of contagion an infected; even the departments low tech solutions to iHospital related issues have been hit by a bug.